An Addict In Abstinence

The Emotional Predator In Me


Below is a description of the restless, irritable and discontent condition of the alcoholic/addict once in a state of abstinence from alcohol or drugs. In other words this is what happens in the mind of a sick, suffering and untreated alcoholic/addict once he stops drinking or using drugs:

Although I look like an adult I remain childish, grandiose, and emotionally immature.

My natural state of being is one of anxiety, depression and fear, coupled with an intense desire for excitement. A condition of being that renders me restless, irritable and discontent with life.

Mentally, my thought life is controlled by 100 forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity. All of which drive me to live my life according to selfish, self-seeking and frightened motives.

I want it all! This renders me emotionally sensitive.

I have a strong tendency to take everything I see or hear personally.

I don’t like criticism and will be damned if I can stand praise.

When it comes to suffering emotionally, I don’t suffer well, I don’t suffer alone.

Socially I am a bankrupt idealist, a brooding perfectionist who lives defensively and guarded in fear of being found out. As such I tend to rationalize, minimize, justify and deny all of my actions while casting blame on innocent people in an attempt to avoid attention.

When it comes to my fellow men and women, I demand absolute possession and control of everything, everybody and every circumstance that enters my arena of life.

My response to you is that I am quick to anger and slow to virtue and get a distinct and twisted pleasure out of criticizing everyone I see.

The constant thoughts that run through my head are: “I don’t fit in, I don’t belong, I am not a part of, oh my God what is wrong with me? I must be different!”

The only thing that will satisfy that restless, irritable and discontent state of mind, is alcohol or drugs.

Mark Houston



Ignorance To Addiction Sparks Death

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Ignorance – The No 1 Killer of Addicts

Unfortunately addiction is the world’s number one cover up operation, dominated by misinformation, shame, guilt and ignorance to the disease.

An addict takes his/her own life and the world is appalled at the selfishness of such a tragic act of ultimate self-will.

The judgements and opinions of people run wild in condemnation of addiction and suicide.

Worst of all the usual great cover up operation commences as reports of the suicide are blamed on depression or gross emotional and mental disorders.

Never the less, the ignorance to addiction marches on and very little effort is made to educate and help people understand the epidemic of addiction that has spread through the world like a bad rash with contagious and rapid consequences of death and destruction.

As an Addict In Recovery, My Response Is This:

Have you experienced the bewilderment, terror, frustration and despair of a mental disorder so powerful it convinces you to hate yourself every minute of your life?

Have you ever experienced the incomprehensible confusion, guilt, shame and remorse over your behaviour that has disgusted your loved ones to a point of wanting to end your life every day, as you know you cannot control it, and no one can help you overcome it?

Have you ever experienced the hopelessness of knowing that the only solution to your terror and despair is another drink or drug? Nothing else works! Nothing!

Have you ever experienced the hurt, pain, loathing, contempt and fear in the eyes of your loved ones that cuts your soul like knife and consumes you with a feeling of uselessness beyond any kind of imagination?

Have you ever experienced an internal force so powerful and baffling, it has absolute power and control over your emotions, your thoughts and your actions towards others in a way that is indescribable?

Have you ever experienced the horror of a delusion which convinces your mind that one day, just maybe one day you can control your addiction despite overwhelming evidence of a your tragic history that you are screwed and doomed to die an addict death?

Have you ever experienced a restless, irritable and discontented mind that can drive you to the point of insanity, unless you are filled with the hope of the ease and comfort that a drug or drink will bring? Peace and calmness is all an addict desires but is incapable to achieve this with his own fractured and broken perspective on life.

Have you ever experienced the awful realization that you cannot live without drugs and you cannot live with drugs and all you can do is wish for the end?

Have you ever experienced addiction and all the bedevilments of this hideous disease?

The addict dies of the disease called addiction! Addiction serves up many insidious forms of death, but the ultimate cause of death is addiction, a condition of mind that tricks the addict into thinking that the chemical he is using is saving him, when in reality it is actually killing him.

Carry on hiding and denying the truth about the addict in your life. Keep on living in ignorance to the disease. Continue to hope that this will just go away one day and you are assisting in the certain death of your loved one.

It is now time to speak out about the truth of addiction. It is now time for the world to learn exactly what addiction is. It is now time for people to STOP pretending addiction is a pesky little nuisance to others around them. It is about time you ceased hiding your sick secret of your child addicted to heroin, or your brother drinking himself to death every day, or your spouse pouring cocktails of pills down their throat just to get to sleep or overcome their pain.

The longer you refuse to acknowledge there is a problem, the further your loved one will continue to progress towards the place where they wish for the end.

It’s now time to help your addict save his/her own life. What is YOUR decision going to be?

Help is at hand. Yes! We can help, but only if you are willing to cast aside everything you think you know about what’s best for your addict. You need to be fearless! We will help you with that. You will need courage we will help you with that. We will walk this journey of recovery and miracles every step of the way, all you have to do is allow the help to happen.

Paul Nobes – Author and Addictions Specialist


The Descent Into Addiction

Addiction – The Destruction of Everything Good in Life

Very slowly an uncontrollable feeling of dread and loss of control slowly descends upon the family. What once was a happy and functional group, gradually begins to break down in the impending great cover up operation of secrets, lies and deceit. This leads to an emotional, psychological and spiritual crisis in the family that deepens with every lie, cover up and refusal to accept the situation for what it is.

The family starts to get sick.

The family always knew there was an awful problem, but now when the family gets sick, the same is true for the addict or alcoholic. The addict consumes the drug for the effect produced by the drug. In the beginning this effect becomes an external solution for an internal problem of incompleteness and a collapsed perspective on life. It works extremely well for a while, but eventually addiction starts to demand the impossible of the addict. It drives the addict through 100 different forms of fear, self delusion and self pity to desperately seek the effect from drugs or drink, which by now is only achieving the effect of self centered fear, bewilderment, terror and desperation. It is no longer working like it used to! The demand for the effect now begins to replace other morale responsibilities. Deceit and dishonest motives now rule the roost and dictate the downward spiral of the addict and his/her family.

The addict’s priority is now his drug or drink, he is serving the new master called addiction everything else becomes obsolete.

Now the addict is leading the double life which keeps the family in the destructive center of fear and hope. He is hiding a terrible secret and as a result has to role play and change the colors of his character and behavior like a chameleon stuck in the midst of a rainbow.  This provokes all sorts of character defects like resentment, guilt, shame, anger and fear. The addict begins to isolate in fear of being found out, his terrible secret must never be uncovered no matter what!

In the family patience wears thin, tempers flare, secrets are kept as the addict and family desperately try to postpone or avoid the self imposed crisis that looms. He becomes a liar an actual and emotional thief and is now lost in the fatal malady of addiction that demands of the addict his only hope for salvation is either a drug, drink or death.

Fear becomes the dominant force among the family as the crisis has now become overwhelming. Overdose, car accidents, jail, calls in the early hours of the morning, money and possessions go missing, all dignity and intimacy has now been sucked out the room as the great impostor called addiction rips through the lives of the family like a hurricane.

Yet no one wants to admit to the truth of their reality. No one wants to admit that they are losing their addict to a slow and hideous end. Certain members of the family start to isolate, others become lost in their fear and anger at the hopelessness of the whole situation. No one wants to own up to what their gut instinct is telling them, and yet the addict is dying right in front of them. Everyone involved gets sicker.

What started with a couple of beers or a joint in the younger prowling days, has ended up in a life and death struggle where there will only be one victor.

Over time the family has very gradually had to accept the unacceptable, re calibrate ethics, morale standards and dignity to a much lower level than is required to keep a family healthy. They have learned to live within the sickness of addiction, merely focusing on their own survival whilst desperately hoping for a magical solution to the crisis that never comes. All they have been doing up until now is swapping positions in front of the firing squad.

The disease of addiction has confused and baffled the family to a point of dysfunctional behavior. Only a concerted and highly focused effort can bring about change and help save the addict and the family from impending doom.

Paul Nobes




Live a Life That Matters

Live a Life That Matters

Appreciating what you have and not having any kind of expectations of other people is self empowerment.

Putting value on my self-awareness way above the opinions other people have of me, is the key to true inner freedom. It is the gateway to living a life that matters.

Ready or not it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things collected whether treasure or valuables, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame & temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, & jealousies will finally disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins & losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won’t matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end.

It won’t matter if you we’re beautiful or brilliant even your gender & skin colour will be irrelevant.

So what will matter how, will the value of your days be measured.

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built,

Not what got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many people will feel a lasting loss when you are gone.

What will matter will not be your memories, but the memories that live in those who love you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.