Forming and Staying In The Habit of Emotional Sobriety


Forming and Staying In The Habit of Emotional Sobriety

I used to think spirituality was the way of weakness
I now know that it is the way of courage and strength

Step 11 – Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of his will and the power to carry that out.

Step 11 is a seeking of unity with God. If followed correctly, the process in this step will keep our will aligned to God’s will. Alcoholics will always have this chronic spiritual condition, this propensity to obsessive self-involvement and self-concern, but we don’t have to live like that anymore – it’s too painful. We align ourselves with God’s will and we let him demonstrate through us what he can do, all day every day.
In Step Ten we discovered that we have entered the world of the spirit which is not some magical mountain in an exotic location. The world of the spirit is living in the now, being present in the present.
In Step Eleven we discover that we now have conscious contact with God and need to improve our conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation.


The Evening Review

The very last task of the day just before we go to sleep is the evening review:
• First of all we constructively review our day. Were resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
• Do we owe an apology to anyone?
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving to all?
• What could we have done better?
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could contribute to life instead of take?

These are sometimes pretty tough questions to answer. However we should not beat up on ourselves if we fail to achieve perfect adherence to these principles. Our willingness to progress towards perfection is what is important here as anyone can achieve progress if they are prepared to put in a bit of work every day.

After making our review we ask God for forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

Morning Prayer and Meditation

Upon awakening, in other words when your eyes open in the morning it is hugely beneficial to focus on God and not the usual committee meeting that has been held in your head every morning ever since you can remember. The day I truly discovered internal freedom was the day I stopped listening to my mind. So many of us exclaim in dismay “I cannot silence the voices in my head!”. Well of course you can’t, that’s not your job. Your job is to stop listening!

Let us think about the 24 hours that lay ahead.
• We look at our plans for the day. If we don’t have a plan for the day, now is the best time to make a plan(s).
• Before we begin our day we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.
• Beginning the day by clearing our thoughts of wrong motives will enhance our assurance in our mental faculties, and our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane than usual.
• During the day when faced with indecision, we may not be able to determine which course to take, here we ask God for inspiration, a intuitive thought, or a decision.
• We relax and take it easy knowing that the right decision will come if we follow God’s will and not our own self-will.
• In concluding our period of meditation with a prayer that all throughout the day we be shown what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves however, if others may be helped. We are careful to never pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted time doing that and it doesn’t work. You can easily see why.
• As we go through the day we pause when agitated or doubtful, and ask God for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves that we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times a day “thy will be done”. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We do not tire so easily burning up energy foolishly like we did when we were trying to run the show and arrange life to suit ourselves.


If the situation warrants we ask our wives, partners or friends to join us in morning meditation.

The simple method of morning meditation mentioned above is what I still use to this day. Once I have completed this, I have certain prayers of my own choice that I pray. One of them is very special to me and is a powerful summary of what we are trying to achieve by making the 12 Step program a way of life.

“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace—that where there is hatred, I may bring love—that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I may bring faith—that where there is despair, I may bring hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring light—that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted—to understand, than to be understood—to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.”

Whatever method of prayer and meditation you may choose is entirely up to you. The 12 Step program is no one’s religion. Simple as that. However whatever method you follow, my suggestion is to keep it as simple and highly focused on conscious contact with God as possible. Simple is power!

Welcome to the juicy part of this incredible program. Welcome to freedom!

Paul Nobes – WordPress Blogger

A place of Neutrality Safe and protected From Addiction


A place of Neutrality Safe and protected From Addiction

I used think blaming my past and fearing my future was all there was to life

I now know that life has just begun for me living in the now

Step 10 – Continued to take personal inventory and when wrong promptly admitted it.

“A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a real desire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, of course, in all times and places have practiced unsparing self-survey and criticism. For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.”

The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions – Alcoholics Anonymous

 Step 10 suggests we continue to live in the truth of our reality by taking regular inventory on a DAILY basis. We need to be vigorous about our efforts to clean up the past. We have entered the world of the spirit. But what exactly is the ‘world of the spirit” and what happens there?

In my case it was pretty simple, there was a loud popping noise in my ears when I finally pulled my head out of my ass and showed up in the present for the first time in my life. This was when It finally dawned on me that I had been asleep in the spirit all of my life. Asleep to the present. I went to school asleep, started work asleep, got married and divorced asleep, had multiple relationships in my sleep, had children in my sleep, up until now I had never experienced life living in the now. I had always been living in the guilt and shame of the past or fear of the future. Anything but right here right now is where I would dwell.


Being present in the present is where we need to live our lives from now on. Living in the present is living in our reality and therefore the fantasy and lies of our past and future that used to haunt us, cannot exist in our minds at all.

You may or may not have by now observed that this process of spirituality that you have been experiencing whilst working these steps, has been nothing more than a process of elimination. In Step One we eliminated the delusion that we were in control of our drinking. Step Two we eliminated our prejudice against God. Step Three we eliminated the need to play God in our own lives and the lives of others. Step Four we eliminated the desperate need to be right about everything once we discovered how wrong we had been about our lives. Step Five we eliminated our sick secrets that we had clung on to for so long. Step Six we eliminated our toxic need to cling on to our ego’s. Step Seven we eliminated our pride by letting God take full control of the wreckage of our past. Step 8 we eliminated our belligerent stubbornness that our problems were of other peoples making. Step 9 we eliminated the guilt and shame of the past.


In essence the 12 Step program is a gradually deflation of our ego’s. Our lives up until now have been the tale of the tragedy of the ego. Ekhart Tolle describes the ego as nothing more than a man made false sense of self. How tragically true this is for the alcoholic. Our ego’s have tortured us into a life of self-loathing and intrepid fear of what others think about us.

How stunning and simple life is without our ego’s there to dictate and drive our self-destruction. At the end of the day all we are up against everyday is ourselves and our to perspective on life, nothing else!

So now that we have entered the world of the spirit how do we stay there and progress in understanding and effectiveness.

The Step Ten promises state that we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. In other words we are now living in an undisturbed state of conscious contact with God. We need to remain in an undisturbed state if we are to maintain our conscious contact with God. Step Ten gives us an extremely simple but powerful tool of practicing self-restraint and then honest analysis as follows:

Firstly we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up we ask God to remove them. We discuss them with someone else immediately and make amends if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to helping someone else. Love and tolerance is our code.

The Step Ten Promises

  • And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol.
  • For by this time sanity will have returned.
  • We will seldom be interested in liquor.
  • If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.
  • We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically.
  • We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it.
  • We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.
  • We feel like we have been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected.
  • We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.
  • We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.

Paul. N – Author and Blog Writer

Forgiveness – The Final Blow To Addiction


Cleaning Up The Wreckage Of Guilt and Shame

Step Nine – Made direct amends to all people we had harmed.

 I used to think that people only deserved my forgiveness if they asked for my forgiveness.I now live by the principle that I need to forgive regardless of who’s at fault it is.

 This is where the rubber meets the road! This is actually a very cool step to take. I cannot even begin to describe the miracles that have taken place in my life, and the lives of the people that I have made amends to. Making amends is not just about your own personal freedom from the bondage of fear and guilt, it is freedom for the people we have hurt too. When people are freed from the prison of their pain caused by others, forgiveness immediately clears the wreckage of everyone’s past and the slate is now clean. Who wouldn’t want that for themselves and others?


The Final Step Towards Separation From Our Old Ideas

Step 9 is the final piece of the puzzle of completeness, the puzzle of internal freedom that has come together inside of us as we have worked our program step by step. I have discovered that the final piece of this puzzle is the shape of the God of my understanding and when the man is put back together his universe is complete.

There once was a businessman who always found it very difficult to balance his work pressures and family life. When he would arrive home after work, heavy laden with more work to get through in the evenings, his little 5 year old son would come bounding out to greet him and beg his Dad to play with him. The business man would get frustrated with his son’s constant badgering whilst he tried to get work done. One day upon returning home to the usual exuberant cries for attention from the little boy, the father saw a center fold map of the world in a magazine lying on the coffee table at home. Immediately he removed the map from the magazine, tore it into a multitude of small pieces and told his son to sticky tape the map back together. The little boy fascinated with his allocated projected ran off enthusiastically to get to work. The businessman gave a sigh of relief and got to work. You could have bowled the businessman over with a feather when his son returned 10 minutes later with the map perfectly reconstructed. “How did you do that so quickly?” The father exclaimed with dismay! The little boy replied “it was easy father, there was a picture of the face of a man on the back, so I sticky taped the man back together and the world came together on the back!”

God’s grace put’s us back together through our experience with the steps and our world goes from shattered to complete.


No Apologies, Just Ownership Of Wrongs Done To Others

Step 9 amends are NOT an apology. Apologies are just words. We need action and the people we are making amends to need to know that we are all about action and not yada-yada.

Here is a simple template to follow:

I am here to make amends for the harms I have caused you as a result of my ____________and take full responsibility of my actions. I am prepared to take the consequences and am here to assure you that I will make right on my wrong doings to you.

Before we go into our amends meeting with each person, we make sure that our attitude is one of complete neutrality, and a willingness to take whatever comes our way. I can assure you that what usually happens when you lay all of your wrong doings in front of another human being, you completely disarm them of any kind of defensive or angry behavior towards you. In fact what usually occurs instantly is forgiveness. Remember that in that moment of your admittance of your wrong doings the other person is set free of their anger and resentment, this is the opposite and equal reaction of one of the laws of the universe.

Procrastination is the natural enemy of putting into action our amends. Do not let this happen. Even if you do not have the money at the time to pay back your debt, or you feel you are not in the right “emotional space” to make right on your past relationships, get going anyway! Make a payment plan to those you owe money, or a plan to change your behavior towards your ex. Whatever it takes should be your motto from hence forth. It’s liberating and empowering!

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Paul Nobes – Author and Addictions Specialist.


Unconditional Love


Unconditional Love – Author Unknown

I love you as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world, or the way that you feel is right for you. It is important that you are the person that you want to be, and not that I or others think you should be. I realise that I cannot know what is best for you although perhaps sometimes I think I do. I’ve not been where you have been, viewing life from the angle you have. I do not know what you have chosen to learn, how you have chosen to learn it, with whom and in what period. I have not walked life looking through your eyes so how can I know what you need? I allow you to be in the world without a thought or a word of judgement from me about the deeds you undertake. I see no error in the things you say or do. In this place where I am, I see that there are many ways to perceive and experience the different facets of this world. I allow without reservation the choices you make in each moment. I make no judgement of this, for if I were to deny your right to evolution, I would deny that right to myself and all others, to those who would choose a way I cannot walk. Whilst I may not add my power and my energy to this way, I understand that it is blessed by the light of God. I cannot always see the higher picture of the divine order, for it is the unalienable right for all life to choose their own evolution and with great love I acknowledge your right to determine your future. In humility I bow to the realisation that the way I see is best for me does not have to mean that it is also right for you. I know that you are led as I am, following the inner excitement to know your own path. I know that the many races, religions, customs, nationalities and beliefs within our world bring us great richness and allow us the benefit of teachings of such diverseness. I know we each learn in our own unique way in order to bring that love and wisdom to the whole. I know that if there were only one way to do something, there would need to be only one person. I will not only love you if you behave in a way I think you should or believe in those things I believe in. I understand you are truly my brother and sister though you may have been born in another place and believe in another God or Gods than I. The love I feel is for all of God’s world. I know that every living thing is part of God and I feel a love deep with every person and all the trees and flowers, every bird, river, ocean, and for all the creatures in all the world. I live my life in loving service, being the best me I can be, becoming wiser in the perfection of divine truth, becoming happier in the joy of unconditional love.

Author Unknown


Cut Ties With All The Lies That Addiction Keeps Us In.


Humility – Without some degree of humility no alcoholic can stay sober at all…nor match calamity with serenity.

Step 7 – Humbly asked him to remove all our shortcomings.

 I used to think that if I didn’t manage and take care of my problems, who would?I now know that I am the worst person for problem management.

The key principle to Step 7 is humility. Without a certain degree of humility no alcoholic will stay sober. Greater humility is the foundation of each of the 12 Steps.

Humility is one of the most misunderstood words by mankind. The New oxford American Dictionary’s definition of Humility is – A modest or low view of one’s own importance; Humbleness.

Most addicts develop an exaggerated sense of self-importance  – we have to, who else is going to attached importance to us whilst we are in the depths of self-loathing and low self-esteem. This false sense of self importance must be crushed if we are to achieve any level of success in life, let alone stay sober or clean.

As far as achieving humility in my own life goes, my personal philosophy is “I know that I don’t know”.

The greatest noose around anyone’s neck is what they think they know will happen next in their lives. My motto is “life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you”.

It would be arrogant for me to assume that I will even be alive in 30 minutes. It is a false assumption to believe you know what is going to happen next in your life and the reason why it has happened. Let me elaborate:


The Sweet Scent Of Humility

There is a wonderfully simple story from ancient times about a little Chinese farmer and his son. This farmer and his son cultivated a few acres of land which belonged to the Emperor. Their only asset that they owned was a horse they used to plow their fields. They would sow, plant and half of their crop would be paid to the Emperor as rent every month. The other half of their crop kept them alive. One day their horse disappeared and didn’t return home. It was a devastating blow to the Father and son as this was their only asset, and without the horse they had no chance to carry on farming. Their friends from neighboring farms around heard the news and came to the farm to console the father and offer their help. The little farmer replied to their condolences by saying ‘I don’t know if losing my horse is a good thing or a bad thing?” his friends were very confused at this statement, told him they thought he was crazy and left him to sort out his own issues. Three days later the farmer’s horse returned with a large herd of stunning wild horses. Suddenly this poor little farmer was rich in asset wealth and could plow his fields to his heart’s content. His friends rushed over to congratulate him at his good fortune and the little farmers reply to their compliments was “I don’t know if having all these wild horses is a good thing or a bad thing?” His friends were now totally fed up with the farmers nonsense, told him he was crazy and had no sense of gratitude or understanding of how good he had it now and they left him for good this time. A week later his son was thrown from one of the wild horses whilst trying to break it in, and was badly injured breaking his leg and arm. This was devastating to the farmer as the son did 50% of the work and without him for a few months they would battle to live off the land.

This time the neighbors decided that despite the farmers ridiculous attitude they would go and offer their condolences for the tragic accident and see where they could help. When they offered their sympathies to the farmer he replied by saying “I don’t know if my son’s injuries are a good thing or a bad thing?” To this his friends unleashed on the farmer of how disgraceful his attitude to his poor son was and how belligerent and stupid he was for making such a callous statement and they left him for good this time vowing never to return.

Three weeks later the Red Army marched through the whole valley of the Emperor’s farm lands to forcefully recruit every single young man in the land to go fight a battle that none of them would survive. The army didn’t want the little farmers son because of his injuries and disabilities. Therefore the farmers son stayed behind and lived whilst all the son’s of his friends went off to war to die.

The most precious asset that the little farmer owned was his humility to understand the one fundamental fact of life which can save lives “I know that I don’t know!”

If I understand the principle of humility and why it is so essential to life, sobriety and happiness, then surely I will have absolutely no problem with the God of my understanding coming in and sweeping me clean of all my defects of character.

When things happen in my life that I perceive to be bad, my immediate thought is  “I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing” and I leave it at that. No more noise in my head or raging debate during my mental committee meeting which used dominate my mind in times of crisis.


The Wreckage Of The Past Left Well Behind

Surely the action of humility in itself is the mine sweeper of all our wrong doings, God is the one who directs the sweeping from now on. My job is to just chop wood and carry water while God controls the direction and outcome of my life.

When we are ready to humbly ask him to remove our defects of character we say something like this:

My creator I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen.

We have then completed Step Seven.

I have had times of happiness and abundance in my life, but they are always fleeting. That feeling of happiness is never permanent, it comes and goes. Abundance may not last, here today, gone tomorrow. But there is something special about usefulness, it changes your relationship with the universe. It seems to make everything just right. Usefulness to others gives us a God-confidence that is unshakable. It gives us firm and sure direction whilst navigating the mine field of life. Usefulness to others reverse engineers my mental blockage of my life always being all about me, to my life always being about serving others.

The blockages that I have discovered in my Step 4 inventory had always blocked my usefulness to God and other people. For usefulness to occur my life, I had to surrender to the FACT that I was incapable of giving these blockages up. I had to ask God to now come in and do the plumbing job for me. Asking and allowing God to remove everything good and bad that stands in my way of usefulness to others, is the ultimate freedom from te bondage of myself.

I came to realize that I had been divinely crafted by my own pain, misery, suffering, and mistakes to be uniquely useful to the person who suffers like I once did. I can do what a doctor or therapist cannot do, and that is to go experiencially into that place where I get that persons pain, that person who no one else could help, I get their pain, suffering and fear because I have been there and found a way out. That is being of maximum use to others and forming a life around it.


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Paul Nobes – Author and Addictions Specialist







A State Of Readiness For A Miracle


The Gift of Goodbye To Pain

Step 6 – Were entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character.

I used to tell God how big my problems are

I now tell my problems how big my God is

 There is a law of the universe that for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. For many years I thought Step 6 was all about me overcoming my defects of character. The more tolerant I tried to be of others, the more intolerant a person I became, the more patient a person I tried to be, the more impatience grew inside of me. These are just two examples of my many flaws that I tried to self-will away and all that happened is they got much worse.

The only action required in Step 6 is to position ourselves into a place of readiness for God to come and remove all our defects of character. The action of readiness is to lay down arms, lay down our sword of ego and shield of anger, and everything else in our defective arms cache and surrender them to God. Willingness is once again the vital key to the kingdom here.

Our Step 4 inventory was like opening the door of our hurt locker and discovering the pain of our existence. We uncovered the truth of how wrong we had been about life. The pain of our hurt locker experience now becomes the touchstone to a new freedom for us. The freedom comes from having no option but to be willing to let God take all our defects of character root and branch.


Most of our character defects are grounded in the tenants of delusion.

We are about to enter a new kingdom and a new way of life. Unfortunately the one requirement to enter this new kingdom (and its non negotiable) is that we leave behind our own kingdom that we have been trying to rule for so many years. We have sat on the throne of judgement and opinion of others for so long, it has become the only way of life that we know. We thought nothing wrong about this, after all this is what life was all about wasn’t it? We have discovered how our judgements and opinions were killing us, not the other person and how crucial it was to now let God be the judge and juror.

So this state of readiness is in essence the act of being willing to let go. We once thought it extremely empowering to live in the root of judgement of others, but hated the consequences of our character defects such as anger, jealousy and resentment. I was more than happy to let God take the consequences of my drinking, but take away the comfort of my judgement? I don’t about that! For many years in recovery I suffered the delusion that I had completed Step 6 to the best of my ability and yet the pain of anger and resentment still came often to haunt me. In the midst of my delusion I had become ready to let go of the consequences of my character defects, but held on tooth and nail to my judgements and opinions of others. Step 6 had become the great betrayal for me.


Having discovered my failure in Step 6 I now had to become ready to have God take away my roots, my judgement and opinions. I couldn’t imagine a life without my comfort of my opinions, my throne of judgements, I just couldn’t ready myself. This is when the penny dropped for me. Of course I was incapable of letting go, my lack of power being my fundamental problem rendered me unable to hand over my judgements, but God does have the power to take them away if only I will allow him to do so. The delusion I had suffered from was that my judgement and opinions were my power over others, but in reality they were destroying me. This is the insanity of this disease in full flight, I was terrified to surrender my false sense of power that didn’t even exist to a point where it nearly killed me.

Furthermore the only way that I was willing to relinquish my false sense of power, was to be assured that if I do surrender the power of my judgements I would immediately by awarded with another power, I would get a reward for abandoning my throne.

There is a story of a 4 year old girl who got her arm stuck inside a chocolate vending machine. She was starting to get frantic and her parents were unable to help her. The paramedics and fire department were called and started making plans to cut her arm out of the vending machine. Whilst the chaos was happening, one of the paramedics who had been carefully observing the whole event, knelt down by the terrified little girl and said ‘sweetie do you have anything in your hand? To which the girl reluctantly answered yes I have a chocolate bar in my hand”. The paramedic said “Sweetie if you let go of that old half eaten chocolate bar I will give you two brand new ones to eat right away!” The reward for letting go of her old chocolate bar outweighed the pain of letting go. She let go and her arm came out of the machine unscathed.

Our reward for letting go of false sense of power is gaining the real power, God’s power! It is a power that delivers the effect we so desperately seek just to exist, except God’s power delivers a life beyond our wildest dreams.

If all else fails and we still find we are holding on, we pray for the willingness to be willing!

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Paul Nobes – Author and Addictions Specialist



Admitting Our Faults – Freedom From Addction


Admitting Our Faults To Another

Step 5 – Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

I used to think that sharing secrets about myself was to open up old wounds.

I now have experienced ultimate release from pain and fear by sharing them with another person and God.

 Now that we have discovered where we have been wrong about ourselves, others and our lives wouldn’t it be amazing to share this miracle of truth with another person and a higher being than ourselves. The key to the kingdom of freedom from self is admitting our faults to ourselves, to God and to another empathetic listener.

However for some of us this can be quite a daunting proposition to say the least. Every human being has dark secrets and some would rather die than admit them to another let alone a God they hardly even know.

The problem is that the consequence for skipping this step, or omitting any kind of dark secret is death by drinking or using drugs. Overwhelming evidence has shown us that those who avoided admitting ALL their exact nature of wrongs ended up drinking or using drugs. They thought they could get away with an easier softer way, but they could not.  I beg of you to be fearless here and the courage will come as a result.


There is a true story in my country of a man who was sentenced to death by hanging for murdering his wife. This was at a time when the death sentence was about to be abolished in the country. Shortly after the crime took place the accused man asked a good friend and lawyer to defend him. After studying his case with a fine tooth comb, the lawyer advised his accused friend that the evidence was so overwhelming against him, that he would be found guilty and the lawyer would do his best to lighten the sentence from execution to life in prison. No promises were made.

Unfortunately for the accused man his lawyer friend did not win the court case and he was sentence to death by hanging.

On the morning of his execution, the lawyer went down to the cells a couple of hours before the hanging was to take place at dawn.  The two friends sat whilst drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and talking in casual conversation. The lawyer tried to convince his convicted friend to just admit the truth of his crime before he died. This would have at least freed the man of all the pain and guilt that he was about to take to his grave. For the last hour of his life on earth the man refused to admit to his crime and died a bitter and twisted soul.

To this man the pain of admitting his wrong doing was greater than the pain of dying. How sick does a man’s secret have to be to take it to the grave rather than admit it to a close friend who would listen without judgement or prejudice. Our sick secrets actually have the power to kill us and that is why nothing less than 100% admittance will free us from the alcoholic graveyard.


If you want freedom from the pain and loneliness that has haunted you mercilessly during the desperate years of your drinking, I can assure you that there is no other way for people like us. This Step is morale liberation and the stage when the power you now have access to will start to flow through you once you have admitted your wrongs. Our wrong doings to others are like that weir in the river that halts the flow of life. Once removed the river of life flows with a new and powerful sense of direction and purpose.

There are three separate stages to this Step and it is important to do this the correct way it was meant to be done.


  • Stage One – Admit the exact nature of your wrongs to God. Simple – read out loud to God the exact nature of your wrongs from the final column in your Step 4 inventory.
  • Stage Two – Rinse and repeat Stage One except read out loud to yourself.
  • Stage Three – Rinse and repeat Stage Two except read out loud to someone you trust, someone who has a tight tongue and will not repeat to anyone what you have admitted.

Immediately after you have done this go to a quiet place where no one can find you. Turn off all your devices and pick up this book, read through the first five steps that you have now completed and ask yourself these questions:

Have I worked these steps to the best of my ability?

Do I understand the meaning of powerlessness and a life unmanageable?

Have I started to experience the process of “coming to believe” through working the steps?

Have I made a firm decision to hand my thoughts and actions over to the care of God?

Have I deliberately omitted anything about myself in the Step 4 inventory?

Did I take any short cuts in admitting my wrong doings to God, myself and another?

If you can answer to your satisfaction that you have achieved a job well done so far then thank God from the bottom of your heart that you know him better. You are about to walk through the archway to freedom from the bondage of your addiction

Paul Nobes – Author and Addictions Specialist

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