An Addict In Abstinence

The Emotional Predator In Me

IMG_4269

Below is a description of the restless, irritable and discontent condition of the alcoholic/addict once in a state of abstinence from alcohol or drugs. In other words this is what happens in the mind of a sick, suffering and untreated alcoholic/addict once he stops drinking or using drugs:

Although I look like an adult I remain childish, grandiose, and emotionally immature.

My natural state of being is one of anxiety, depression and fear, coupled with an intense desire for excitement. A condition of being that renders me restless, irritable and discontent with life.

Mentally, my thought life is controlled by 100 forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity. All of which drive me to live my life according to selfish, self-seeking and frightened motives.

I want it all! This renders me emotionally sensitive.

I have a strong tendency to take everything I see or hear personally.

I don’t like criticism and will be damned if I can stand praise.

When it comes to suffering emotionally, I don’t suffer well, I don’t suffer alone.

Socially I am a bankrupt idealist, a brooding perfectionist who lives defensively and guarded in fear of being found out. As such I tend to rationalize, minimize, justify and deny all of my actions while casting blame on innocent people in an attempt to avoid attention.

When it comes to my fellow men and women, I demand absolute possession and control of everything, everybody and every circumstance that enters my arena of life.

My response to you is that I am quick to anger and slow to virtue and get a distinct and twisted pleasure out of criticizing everyone I see.

The constant thoughts that run through my head are: “I don’t fit in, I don’t belong, I am not a part of, oh my God what is wrong with me? I must be different!”

The only thing that will satisfy that restless, irritable and discontent state of mind, is alcohol or drugs.

Mark Houston